I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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