I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize