So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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