I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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