my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
