it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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