forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
