I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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