I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
