butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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