we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
