Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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