Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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