What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
