Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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