I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
