i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
