plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
