just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
