Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
