so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
