It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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