and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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