i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
