Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
