I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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