Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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