i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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