i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
