You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
