This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
