Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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