Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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