I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
