did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
