It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
