i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
