ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
