sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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