you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
