The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
