I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
