I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
