Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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