I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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