Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
