she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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