whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
