Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
