I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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