You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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