Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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