i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So here I am, sexting at work.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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