how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
