I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
