his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
