there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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