come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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