I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
