He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
