why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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