The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
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I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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