i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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