If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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