fuck your aforementioned shoe
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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