Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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