you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
